I Am Irelevant


April 28, 2010, 9:05 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

You are on the 2nd page of google results for genderqueer. Shocking? Not very.

One return. One cigarette and a swing, and then a month: Work, classes, fucking, weed, cigarettes, shared old spice deodorant, nerves, song lyrics, cold air, hot bodies, bending gender, bruising spines, morning coffee

I dont even look at him now

we pass

we look ahead

its hard for me

I want to reach out to him

I wonder if its easy for him to breeze past me like he never kissed my face to calm my fears, never bruised my thighs or stroked my back, or lay on me when I needed weight to calm my senses

And hes in love with V. I met her, she was nice, sweet smile.

And I just want to go to a lake or a mountain like a pathetic poet and just Scream WHY

because… I built him a home in me without even thinking and now its empty and the vaccum is so heavy

whenever work or life slows down eough for me to think I am so aware of what is missing:

A hoodie that smells of rum and weed. A scratch mark. A text that says Lets go for a drive.

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