I Am Irelevant

April 26, 2010, 8:55 pm
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I listened to War

“if you want me, I’m your country. If you win me I’m forever”

“I can hear the cannons calling”

I will deny it and out it outside in the yard where the vines creep , but the feelings I had/have for that person;I’ve never known anything like it. Certainly I’ve felt strongly before, but I sort of accepted it this time in a slightly different way. I resigned myself to it without a fight; that no matter what I would be and do whatever for him. And I didn’t MIND. It felt right to care for him as well as I knew how.  And I am still doing it, thats why I never speak to him, or ask how he is; I look ahead, I walk away- because thats what he wants.


And I can say I never left any one of you
April 22, 2010, 1:15 am
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Never give up loving unless you have to
Never give up loving unless you must
‘Cause it will haunt you in the future
It’ll try to crawl in your bed at night

Never leave your lover unless he makes you
Even then, you’ll probably always miss him
He will visit in your dreams

Somedays aren’t yours at all,
They come and go
As if they’re someone else’s days

They come in all quiet
Sweep up and then they leave

April 21, 2010, 6:24 pm
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My Alcoholic Friends

April 21, 2010, 6:43 am
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Will  you leave the one you left me for?
Will she hear , like me, that slammin’ door?
Did you leave for good or just get bored?
Is she what you wanted
Or will time change your mind?

And if you come back some night I’ll say-
Okay, come on in
You be my lover, I’ll be your friend
You don’t have to tell me
And I won’t ask again

I know it was longer, deeper, stronger & better, but I was there before and part of me wants to stand up and scream, it should’ve been me.

Good News
April 19, 2010, 6:21 pm
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-Leather jacket, sexiest dress in galaxy, Ray-Bans.

– Single room next year!!

– Great summer planned with at least two reliable awesome friends

-Will soon be (slowly, cautiously) learning to drive

-Someone gave me a rooosee!!!!!

-Better relationship with sister than I EVER imagined possible. Thank you God, thank you mama, thank you big sis. ❤

-I am newly in love with Netflix, and may be able to mooch it from one of two people.

-Two exams, two papers, and research left.  TOTALLY DO-ABLE.

-I have some of the best friends in the world *nuzzle* I love you all!!!

And the last time I had the sense to notice You were right here being kind
April 19, 2010, 6:24 am
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If losing sleep were any indication
Of the loving that I’ve missed
I would wrap myself around you
But how likely can that be when I feel like this
And if life were not unfortunate
And reason blew like summer through the trees
I would stop to let you catch me
But I think that you would find me on my knees

And it’s gonna be another long one tonight
It’s just me and my well-intentioned spite
I said someone did this to me
But no one did, there’s no injustices

And the last time I had the sense to notice
You were right here being kind
But if I think that you are with me
Then I know that you can always change your mind

I am distractable. I am not taken by it. I am thinking of something else.

I will instinctively look for other cars in this parking lot.

And I am not sure I care. I might.

Well it ain’t that tough Just more of the usual stuff
April 18, 2010, 6:31 pm
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Well I don’t tell jokes
And I don’t take notes
You been sayin
there ain’t much hope
You got nothin’ on me

I got friends uptown
And they don’t talk down
They be keepin’ me safe and sound
We got somethin’ to be

So in case you hadn’t noticed
I’m alright
Not like it was before
Things used to be so hopeless
But not tonight
Tonight I’m walkin out that door

I’m not gonna cry
When wavin’ goodbye
And I know this time
You got nothin on me

Well it ain’t that tough
Just more of the usual stuff
One heartache is more than enough

There ain’t nothing to see

I got friends uptown
And they still come ’round
They be keepin me safe and sound
We got somethin’ to be

So don’t you try to save me
With your advice
Or turn me into something else
Cuz I’m not crazy
And you’re not nice

Baby if you do
keep it to yourself

I’m not gonna cry
And I’m wavin goodbye
And I know this time
You got nothin on me.