I Am Irelevant

But I’ve seen the way the earth
throws its aces with a curve
You were waiting for the words
to come to yer.

Just to say that you prefer to be lonely
to be cursed
and to do the very worst you can do.

Yeah I remember you like a verse
that I didn’t want to learn
I just looked into your eyes
and I knew yer.

Well I wish I never met you that day
You said I have a room and music to play
I have a room let me show you the way
I wish that I’d never come

'Cause I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends
Oh
I know better than that
I know better
You play the victim and I'll be the bad guy
I know better than that



And I have to do what's right
But I have to get what's mine
I'll get what's mine and you'll get yours


		
	
	
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Spoke at the trans rally. Legs shook, I hope you heard me say:

“I didn’t know what genderqueer and transgender was when I came to this country that boasts freedom and justice. Since, they have been my companions, my friends, my roommates, my lovers. PROTECT THEM“

Man, you’re fucked if you just freeze up
Can’t do that thing – that keeping still
But, you’re fucked if you speak your mind
And you know – uh huh – you will I will
Yeah, you’re fucked all right – and all for spite
You can kiss your sorry ass goodbye
Totally fucked – will they mess you up?    They will
Well you know they’re gonna try

But it’ll be okay, cause the weirdest shit is still to come, and I already know I’ll survive.

You are on the 2nd page of google results for genderqueer. Shocking? Not very.

One return. One cigarette and a swing, and then a month: Work, classes, fucking, weed, cigarettes, shared old spice deodorant, nerves, song lyrics, cold air, hot bodies, bending gender, bruising spines, morning coffee

I dont even look at him now

we pass

we look ahead

its hard for me

I want to reach out to him

I wonder if its easy for him to breeze past me like he never kissed my face to calm my fears, never bruised my thighs or stroked my back, or lay on me when I needed weight to calm my senses

And hes in love with V. I met her, she was nice, sweet smile.

And I just want to go to a lake or a mountain like a pathetic poet and just Scream WHY

because… I built him a home in me without even thinking and now its empty and the vaccum is so heavy

whenever work or life slows down eough for me to think I am so aware of what is missing:

A hoodie that smells of rum and weed. A scratch mark. A text that says Lets go for a drive.

We all talk about Faith. Who is Christian, Jewish, Quaker, what it means. I liked the sound of Quaker, I believe there is a spark, I can not really hate anyone, not the most painful strike against me ignites that feeling for long. It is replaced with a melancholia and a wish to understand why you would strike me.

I feel like I am looking in from the outside at a dream when I see a change in him. I am hovering over like God above an atheist, who lives oblivious and rejecting of so much love. I am a fool, I do not mind, I bless you with my heart like you were my child.

Keep being brave, keep being beautiful. If ever you look for me, I will be here.

Good friends and leather converse may be 80% of what I need in life.

I will learn how to drive me.

I listened to War

“if you want me, I’m your country. If you win me I’m forever”

“I can hear the cannons calling”

I will deny it and out it outside in the yard where the vines creep , but the feelings I had/have for that person;I’ve never known anything like it. Certainly I’ve felt strongly before, but I sort of accepted it this time in a slightly different way. I resigned myself to it without a fight; that no matter what I would be and do whatever for him. And I didn’t MIND. It felt right to care for him as well as I knew how.  And I am still doing it, thats why I never speak to him, or ask how he is; I look ahead, I walk away- because thats what he wants.

My Alcoholic Friends